Of pain and getting inked

Hey you, if anyone’s out there, if anyone still stumbles into this blog I keep for my sanity, if anyone still bothers to read,

I want to get a tattoo. No, that’s not it. I will get a tattoo. Get myself inked. Not a henna. A real one, the type that uses those scary needles to beautifully scar your skin with a solid black color.

I have been thinking about this for a few months now. And I think, at the back of my mind I have always wanted one. And I know that people who know me personally would not approve should they find out. My parents would freak out. My dad mostly and seeing my tattoo might give him a coronary. As for my mom, I don’t know. I think she’ll hate me for a while but I don’t think there’s anything they can do since you can’t erase it (unless they’d rather see me with big keloid scars over where the tattoo used to lay). As for my friends, I guess they’d keep an open mind. As for my future lover who will see it one way or another, I can only hope that he won’t judge. After all, I feel empowered by getting one. I feel that my current state of pain and helplessness will be gone once and for all if I get through the pain of getting inked. Well, maybe, maybe not. I can only hope that he’d still see me for what and who I really am despite the thing marked on my skin.

So for ideas…

I want a tattoo on my wrist. Not yet sure of what. Not yet sure whether on the right one or left but that’s not what worries me. I am a nurse and people tend to really judge people with inks, let alone a nurse who has one on her wrist. So, um, I guess not.

I want an anchor tattoo. A simple anchor. This is more of a symbolism and I don’t think it is necessary to explain what an anchor symbolizes. This would look good on my lower back, left or right, I have yet to decide.

Or maybe a good phrase from a good book I have read. Or a song lyric. Not sure what exactly since most of my favorite quotes from a book or lyrics from a song are sentences long. And what worries me with this is what if I don’t believe in that saying anymore? Nevertheless, I think another option is getting one on my inner torso.

Birds. Birds. I can’t even begin to start to talk about how this is my best idea for a tattoo. Birds. Again, this is a symbolism. A bird flies and is free. And that is basically what I think I am – free. I am in awe of these beautiful bird tattoos on the back and since there aren't really rules that say you can’t copy someone’s tattoo, I think I’ll get this one.

I know I have to think and rethink about this more. I got time. I feel like getting one for my birthday or before my birthday. Or when my parents are no longer here in the country that they can’t chastise me for being so reckless, not that I think getting inked is reckless.

I haven’t even thought about the pain. I am not afraid of needles and I think I have a degree of tolerance to pain. I think getting pins of needles on your bare skin can mask whatever pain one has. But nevertheless, I can only hope that that future lover of mine won’t not only judge but kiss that tattoo of mine as he kisses all my pain goodbye, as I tell him my story. :)

x,

N